My One Sided Soap Opera
by Suzukaze Ai
Summary: Dirk was left alone. Jake needed some alone time so it was fine right? Yes, it should be fine. Being alone didn't hurt at all. The blond clutched his hair and whimpered. He wished the male was back at his side again. (DirkJake fic! First attempt so I jumped? Didn't plot this thing out, and I just wrote it all of a sudden because of a picture I saw on DA. SAD FEELS EVERYWHERE. D:)


**Author's Notes: **This is a DirkJake fanfic but you'll see that it's really really onesided. :( Jake basically left Dirk right? And this is what I think Dirk was feeling when he was being left alone. ALONE. Man, that almost make me cry...Poor Dirk. UnU -bawls like a baby- Anyways, I wish Hussie won't be cruel and make Jake break up with Dirk, because that would hurt his little heart so bad! -coughs- That'll be all, on with the fic then. UuU

**Disclaimers: **Jake and Dirk and AR belongs to Andrew Hussie. Not me, why?! DX

_**My One Sided Soap Opera**_

Dirk sat on one of the rocks from a ruined tomb. He held on to his iPhone with a firm grip. His eyebrows were in a tight know. He was sad, anguish even. Jake wasn't replying, why? He didn't know what happen, but he sure know it was his fault. Jake suddenly told him to leave him alone and that he needed some space, a little bit of space for himself. Dirk instantly knew, he knew by the look Jake tried so hard to hide. It was a face of annoyance, and tiredness. Jake had enough of Dirk's needy overtures and the male wanted to get some air from the blond. Dirk of course didn't stop him. He let Jake go, he let Jake wonder to wherever planet he wanted, as far away from Dirk as possible.

Dirk was hurt, but he didn't mean what he said for the past few weeks. He was merely over the moon, he was happy. Too happy for Jake it seemed. The tan male was trying his best to comply to Dirk's requests, over and over, and he was tired of it. Dirk had been merely trying to express his gratitude and gratifications towards the boy by giving him his full attention, and of course, his care. Dirk had love the boy for three whole years, for his feelings to be suddenly requited after all these holding backs and restrains, Dirk was so happy, so happy that he vowed to shower Jake with his love and affection every single moment he can have. In fact, he didn't want to leave the boy's side, not ever. He didn't know that his actions had been freaking Jake out, and the male had had enough of Dirk's affections.

He didn't stop though, no way. Dirk still cared for him, he worried for the boy far too much to just let it drop. He wanted to know the boy's whereabouts after only a week of departure from the male, and Dirk was getting restless. He would always loose his focus when he was fighting the skeletons, if not for AR's constant reminder, he would've been badly injured to even type on his iPhone right now. He knew he shouldn't, he knew this would only worsen they're crumbling relationship, but he couldn't stop himself. It was like Eve, who couldn't resist taking a bite from the apple no matter how much warning she received. Dirk was warned by AR countless times, to stop and wait, but no, the blond didn't listen. He was too blinded in love to listen.

TT: Dude!  
TT: Where you at, man.  
TT: Wait.  
TT: Which computer are you using?  
TT: I'm not comfortable knowing my words could be hovering over Cage's clownish, sort of gaunt face.  
TT: Could you maybe switch back to naked blue chicks as your exclusive desktop fodder? TIA.  
TT: But yeah.  
TT: I don't know if you just want a little solitude.  
TT: Or if maybe you finally just got like,  
TT: A case of Strider fatigue.  
TT: I could understand that.  
TT: I mean, not to get all neurotic on you.  
TT: I'm just saying I get it, if that's what's going on.  
TT: But for real, if you gotta sneak away for a few days, that's cool.  
TT: Just might be kind of dope if you at least would let me know which planet you scurried off to.  
TT: And by dope I guess I mean considerate?  
TT: Really not trying to be a drag here.  
TT: Wondering what's up is all.  
TT: Want to meet up soon?  
TT: I found a really promising tomb we could raid.  
TT: Looks like it runs hella deep.  
TT: If I've got the specs right, could run as deep as the Lion's Mouth itself.  
TT: But without all the fuckin' fire to deal with.  
TT: Wait, I mean Lion's Mouth.  
TT: Gotta underline that key shit. Always forget.  
TT: Figure it should take a couple days to make it to the bottom.  
TT: Only a day if we both go limp and just fall the whole way down the stairs.  
TT: Ignoring literally every sage warning we've ever received about those treacherous plummetation zigzags.  
TT: Just tumbling on down in a floppy limbed trance like a couple of puppets in a race arranged by some drunk gamblers.  
TT: If you're into another expedition, head to LOTAK and hit me up. Just don't forget your mask this time.  
TT: The deeper we go, the worse it gets, remember?  
TT: Could be some unreal grist down there.  
TT: More puzzle shit.  
TT: Loads of skeletons.  
TT: Pack your guns dog.

Dirk paused at his last message, he wanted to say more, more than this load of bullshit he just came up on the spot. Dirk wasn't even typing out his true feelings, these were merely words he tried to use to mask his true intentions. The blond frowned and scrolled through those lines of lies. He didn't mean all of this, and when he finally realised how needy he sounded in them, he wanted to kill himself. How can he be so immature? He was pestering Jake incessantly and the boy is tired of his approaches. Dirk looked at his un-send message again, his shades giving them a darker shade of orange.

TT: No wait, scratch those. I didn't mean to write any of those above, they were complete bullshit okay so just forget about them. Actually, I was just trying to drop a message and say hi. It's been a week since we saw each other, and I got worried. I know I shouldn't do this because you're obviously capable of taking care of yourself. But, just so you know, I'm sorry for how I acted for the past few weeks. I was just really happy, overwhelmed by happiness that I forgot to give you some personal space. I should know better you're a capable young man and you're able to take care of yourself. And yet I was acting like a complete asshole, trying to monitor your every move and constantly nag you to take care of yourself better. When you said you wanted some space, it was then that I realised I was doing the wrong thing. And for the whole week I was wondering, maybe I shouldn't have been so hard on you. I must've looked like a complete doofus and a nuisance to have around. And, it clicked in, I was overbearing you aren't I? With my constant nagging, and my show of affection, and what with me trying to stick with you 24/7. Heh. I just found out I'm acting like a stupid love-struck maiden and it's bothering you. So, what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry. I'm sorry of how I acted, I'm sorry I've caused troubles for you both physically and mentally. ...I hope you can...

Dirk growled in annoyance, he was fed up with how silly and overbearing he sounds like. He felt his heart grew cold, and it was painful. He clutched his wifebeater, wishing that the pain would just go away and his heart to feel warm once more. Without Jake, Dirk is nothing but a huge piece of flesh and blood. Dirk's eyes widen behind his shades, since when did he became so weak? He was relying on Jake, Jake was his life and his sole purpose to keep on living in this un-evolving game. It was as if they're hard work was bearing no fruit, same cycle of slaying every single day, and Dirk was getting sick of this. It was Jake's presence that made everything better, they're small talks every single time after they killed a hoard of skeletons and those pictures they took together on every successful mission...Dirk missed it. He missed them so much that his heart was starting to throb with pain once more. He grumbled, trying to take in all these throes of suffering, keeping a cool and strong facade. But alas, he couldn't. The throbbing was too much for him to handle, and Dirk couldn't help but gave out a tiny weep. His eyes were half closed, eyeing his unfinished message through his shades. AR was trying to get his attention, trying to diverge his attention from his sufferings and pain, trying to distract him from Jake. And yet the blond just ignored his putrid companion, reasoning with himself that he's just trying to jeer at you again.

He knew it wasn't intentional, but Jake had been ignoring his messages for the past few days. He knew the boy saw them, he might be awake for a whole fucking day and didn't even bother to reply him. Jake was sick and tired of Dirk, this much he knew, but he just couldn't help it. Jake was his Achilles' heel, and every choice Jake made was bound to have effect on Dirk. Even now, when Jake had decided to give himself some free air, Dirk was slowly being eaten on the inside. He was torn from searching through each and every planet to find Jake and keeping his promise of giving his boyfriend some air. Dirk smiled to himself coldly, dropping his phone in the process. Boyfriends? Were they actually boyfriends? Wasn't this something Dirk thought of one-sidedly? Jake didn't agree to this, heck, the boy didn't even said anything nor mention it when they're both together. Sure, they did what normal lovers do, they kissed, hugged, and even had sex. But, were they really boyfriends? Dirk was insecure at the moment, he was sure he was having a horrible nightmare and he needed to wake up this instance. Damn it, Dirk thought and buried his face into his hands, trying to force those tears to go away and this pain to disappear.

He wished Jake was here. He wished the male would be by his side and tell him this is all a lie, that this is just a bad dream from his pent up stress. Jake would wrap his arms around Dirk and plant a small kiss on his lips. He would smile his usual goofy smile and tell him he's right here, and that he loves him. Jake would tell him that Dirk is his everything, and he wouldn't want it any other way. Dirk sobbed, a broken smile on his pale features.

Like that'll ever happen.

Dirk heard his iPhone bling, and his eyes widen for a moment before scooping up his discarded communication device. Dirk immediately scowled at the red text.

TT: Dude, you should stop before you break yourself.

He frowned. He didn't need an emotionless auto-responder to tell him what to do, he knew perfectly of his own mental distraught and he needed to stop and calm down. Who could Dirk blame but himself? He was raised by a damn puppet, he didn't had a human by his side for him to shower his love and affection. He surely didn't know that too much love would be drowning a person, because he never experienced it before himself. And when Jake said he felt the same for Dirk, Dirk didn't know what to do. He was too excited that he couldn't think straight. All he wanted to do was love Jake, treat him like the most precious jewel in the whole wide world. But it seemed like Jake didn't appreciate it, it was "suffocating him". The blond typed into his iPhone angrily, to shut his dumb AR up. He needed some time to himself to think. He wanted to restore this broken relationship with Jake and he didn't want to listen to any of AR's bullshit.

TT: Just shut the fuck up and leave me alone.

-timeausTestified(TT) ceased pestering timeausTestified(TT)-

Dirk wanted to press log out when he saw his unfinished message to Jake. He froze on the spot, his finger just a little bit away from the log out button. Just one touch, and he could stop pondering and breaking his little brain and just embark in a one man search for Jake's whereabouts. But Dirk didn't, he knew better albeit his worn out state. He was the one pulling the strings in the group and he's been doing a poor job at it recently. All he could ever think of was Jake, Jake, Jake. He didn't realise Jane and Roxy might needed some attention and help. And here Dirk was, being a lousy friend to everyone, mourning over his stupidity and the loss of Jake's company. Dirk knew he should stop, stop this and just wait until Jake decided to come back.

But how long?

How long would he have to wait for Jake to clear up his mind and come back to Dirk? One more wee? One month? A year? Forever? Dirk's whole body grew cold at the last thought, his face paled and he felt like throwing up. He was nauseous, he didn't eat anything for to days and now he was starting to grow weak. Sure he still stood up to the skeletons fine, but how long will it last? One day Dirk would collapse for sure, and die if he didn't start eating. However, the blond was prepared to have anything yet, not when he still couldn't confirm Jake's feelings towards him. Jake's feelings might be diminished bit by bit when he's having a bite or two. He needed to find the boy-no, no, no. Wait. This was wrong. Dirk pushed that thought away moments ago! He shouldn't go and find the boy, he should just sit here, fight some skeletons and fucking WAIT.

Dirk gave out a tired groan again. He was having a fight with himself, his own train of thought. How much more of Jake's actions must penetrate through Dirk like some arrow straight through his heart? Jake's being was tearing him apart, and yet he still loved him strongly. His love and passion for the black haired male was as strong as three years ago. Even though right now, this instance, it was too much for Dirk to handle. Both his love and longing for Jake was breaking him. It hurts, it hurts so much that Dirk couldn't help but let out a frustrated scream. He shouted to nowhere in particular, he wanted to let out his pent up stress once and for all. But it was too heavy that one shout wasn't enough. He had to scream over and over until his throat was as sore and dry as the surface of the tombs. Dirk looked out at the sky, his eyes were wet. Fuck, Striders don't cry. Ever.

But Dirk couldn't force himself to stop, they just started to form and threatened to flow out from his fire orange orbs. Damn it. Dirk wanted to wipe them off, but he mustn't take off his mask. His planet was dangerous, the krypton may suffocate him and caused him his death. Maybe, this was what Dirk wanted all along. To die and just leave everything behind, and his problems will be resolved. He wouldn't have to think so hard anymore, he didn't even need to bother. Dirk could just die in his own planet, and no one would even notice. A smile so cold that could put Jack Frost to shame, Dirk mumbled to himself. He pointedly ignore the red text reflecting off his shades and walked out of his secret cave. Right, the cave that both Dirk and Jake spent together after a day of treasure hunting and slaying skeletons. The cave that held so much beautiful memories, the cave that both of them slept together under. Dirk looked back once again, and walked out further. "Good bye, Jake. I love you."

And Dirk took off his mask. Jake would forgive him, Jane would be happy, and Roxy would be her usual drunken self. Nothing would change even though he's dead, right?

That was the last time Dirk ever cried.


End file.
